This is going to be a memorial place to
share the beauty & wisdom of my best friend, and the only man in this life I
truly loved..in a way that only the 2 of us understood. His name is Steve
Hoffman, and he left this world shortly after his 50 th birthday last month. He
was found on March 8th. Steve was a very complex and deep person..one of the
many things that drew us together. We dwelled on little things and would discuss
them for hours on end...mostly music, and the Bible. Steve had many
friends...but above them all would be his friend Eric who I never asked the last
name of, because I could not forsee that one day I might not have Steve to talk
to about him, and how his life was. Steve cherished the times he could play with
Eric the music they composed together. I know he must be at a loss as much as
me. Steve was without a doubt a man of God. He loved God with all of his heart,
and could quote you any verse almost from the bible. That is one thing his
alcohol problem never took from him. Nor was his illness a problem he chose..it
is a disease, however Steve felt he should have been able to just stop. But
ultimately...it was alcohol that took his life. He was a lost soul..and when he
finally reached out for help in May of 2007..he was told he did not need
treatment, because he had not had a drink in 48 hours. Being in recovery
myself..I know that was TOTALLY ridiculous, and probably his death sentence.
Over the next few months he sunk deep into a depression after he relapsed in
July..and in November his beloved dog of 14 years died. He knew that morning
when he left for work that he was going to lose him, he said. Gibbs had been
sick with Diabetes and old age..and gave him a look that morning he said
like~"Daddy don't leave me today"..and Steve told him he had to go to work. As
he drove down the driveway he dimmed his lights for Gibbs a few times as he did
every day. He came home to find Gibbs dead on the couch where they slept. To
him, having never married or had children..he lived alone like me and that dog
was his child. That loss was the beginning of the end I know now. The depression
got so much worse he was not eating well, was drinking still..and was a small
man physically anyway. One day at work he passed out for an unknown health
reason. He may have gotten a concussion. He never did return to work. One place
he was hoping to get a job, went out of business. Another he heard might be. And
really, I think he just gave up at this point. Because he no longer had Gibbs to
have to care for, and he cried about him each time we talked..and we talked
often. He never got over his loss, and he did not have tools a 12 step recovery
program would have given him to deal with such a devastating loss. Both of us
hated this evil world we seem to live in now..it has changed so much since we
were children. When The Children Cry..a song he loved, & sang and once wrote
to me~"I am sure Jesus must spend all of his time crying for the children."
Steve wrote music..and sang, and I am going to try to find as much of it as I
can to put here..it is beautiful and has great meaning. The song below he told
me once was for me..for all I had been through in this life. But in the end, it
was for him. He gave until his well ran dry..and the love he gave will live on
forever in my heart and the hearts of all of his family who miss him so very
much. Steve was the most precious soul I met in this world..and promised me he
would not leave me alone in it. As long as I remember all that he shared with
me, and the gentle tone of his voice..and the words "I love you" which we said
to one other for the last time just a few weeks ago..then I am not alone. He's
still here with me, right inside my heart. He has always been in the Secret
Garden part of my heart and little girl dreams that reside there still in spite
of how my life turned out..and there he will stay. 29 years of all that we
shared and felt will not ever be gone. I will not let his passing be what I
remember him by, but rather his life..his beautiful smile, and Godly heart.
Godspeed your soul my dearest friend to have peace at last..you are loved
forever ...Love, me.
'Til
The Well Runs Dry
Restless always wasting time Don't know where to draw the line I give it all I
think I've got:Can't make something what it's
not~Seems like nothing means a lot...Seems like nothing means a lot.Hearing when I
have no clue Seeing when it isn't true Feelings lost without a care Just can't give what
isn't there~Seems there's nothing left to
share...Seems there's nothing left to
share.On and on is there no end?Around again to where I've been Places that I've seen
before Pictures now and nothing more~Taken through an open door...Taken through an open
door.Looking for another
place Another time Another
face First you laugh and then you cry You
have to live before you die~And give before the well runs
dry...And give until the well runs
dry...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Afraid~By: Steve Hoffman
Will
be under Memories 4 now
shortened due to HTML length. Will see
if sponsoring memorial will give me more
space...
