The day Antoinette changed our lives was the day she was conceived. I must say if you read a book about the time you conceive up to the birth, well Antoinette went by the book. It was a beautiful pregnancy and the birth was an experience. Can never replace or put into words the joy that her daddy and I felt when she was born. I never wanted to let her go.
In June 2000 Antoinette's brother Joshua was born. Antoinette just adored him and never was she jealous at any time, she just shared her love with him. They were both our lives and so much love we gave to them.
Then that day came when we were told Antoinette had a brain tumor on her 4th birthday .. our world came crashing down and I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. Joshua was only 2 at the time and to him the understanding of what is happening was not at all a concern for him. But at times he did feel something was wrong as they do.
We were flown out of Cairns the next morning and dropped off at the Royal childrens hospital with a couple of bags of clothes and our babies. We had no idea what to do and where to go... the day we walked inside of the hospital was the day it all began.........
Just seeing other beautiful innocent children suffering from cancer was heart breaking and to have our own child suffer from cancer ... well the only words come to mind is we were numb, hurt, sad and angry that this is happening to us. But we soon had to let the anger go and be there for Antoinette, and that is just what we did. We stayed strong and stayed TOGETHER.
Many days I remember I stared out of the hospital window and seen the world still going on.. cars passing by, people walking the birds flying high in the sky... and I asked myself why is the world still going on ..when my world has stopped still? This isn't right...then I looked at Antoinette lying in her hospital bed having a blood transfusion for the fourth time and then I smiled and thought this is our journey and having this beautiful little girl in our lives .. our daughter..our Antoinette...well nothing can replace that.
So my husband and I took shift.. He done the night shift and I done day shift , then we would swap as we had Joshua to take care of as well. It was hard but we done it..we never left Antoinette's side not for a minute.
Then the 9th August 2003 came along.... The day our beautiful girl became an angel.. Antoinette passed away at home in my arms... at 6.50pm.
I felt it was her time and whispered to her "mummy loves you very much and now it is time to go to the light.. bye baby girl"..
We know this was Antoinette's journey and we respect that... she will always be with us and remembered.
xx
