In June of 2007 i was planning a trip with my daughters to visit family in New Mexico.A few days before we were to leave i started to feel a little queasy and tired.I thougth maybe i was just nervous about the trip.After arriving i still had the same symptoms for about a week.Thats when i thought it must be something else.So i took a test which was positive.I was very nervous becuase we hadnt planned on getting pregnant any time soon, and my daughters were only 3 and 10 months. But i knew in my heart as hard as it would be i wanted this baby and already loved her.
   I thought about telling my hubby when he would call me, but thought i should tell him in person.I didnt know how he was going to react but suspected he wouldnt be pleased, but would maybe grow to love the baby as i already did.So when he came to get us i was going to tell him but i was just too happy to l see him, and it was around fathers day and my oldest daughters birthday.So i figured id wait until things settled down.Then once we got home i took to more tests just to make sure, and they were definately positive.I thought everyone could tell since i had gaind a bit of weight.And had all the symptoms.,
   I was planning on going to the dr right after the 4th of july holiday, since thats a big holiday in our small town i didnt want to ruin the mood with the pregnancy.And i figured i had time since i didnt see the dr with my previous pregnancies until i was 9-10 wks.But that didnt happen this time.
   I woke up on July 3rd at 2or 3am and had horrible crampss.When i went to the bathroom i noticed a little blood.Then it just got worse from there.The bleeding was horrible and the cramping intense.I knew what was happening but didnt know how to react since no one knew i was pregnant and i didnt have the strenght to get up.Once the baby and the bigger clots passed things eased up.I didnt know how to react. I was devastated.I never got to see my little ones heart beat or picture.
   I didnt know if it was "right" to feel so sad over a baby that wasnt planned and was lost so early in pregnancy.So after i told my hubby i pretty much kept everything to myself and didnt let anyone know how i felt.After 2 yrs my hubby and i are finally able to talk about it be sad if we want to.Its not something that just goes away and we pretend it never happend.Its something that we live with and have become stronger because of it.