My son was born on 27 May 2008 at 7:15am.  He was perfect. 

He laughed.  He smiled.  He had an amazing smile.  He had learned to sit and was so close to learning how to crawl.  He loved sitting in his bouncer and listening to me reading him the Harry Potter books for hours - particularly when we were in hospital.

His two bottom teeth had just come through.   His top tooth was almost ready to come.  He loved the Heinz baby food - especially the pureed vegetables and fruit. 

He hadn't learnt to say any words.  We would practice though.  Every day.  'Ma' and 'Da'.  When he was excited, he would hold his arms in the air and yell at the top of his voice.  I miss that.

He loved taking a bath.  He would splash and play for half an hour.
 
He would love to sleep.  He was a great sleeper from the day he was born.  When you placed him in his cot he would always look at you like you had just given him the best thing since sliced bread.  You would pull his sheet up to his chin, kiss him on the head and he would just look at you and smile.  

Bennie passed away on 07 March 2009 unexpectedly.  We were in hospital at the time.  He had been struggling with his weight for many months.  He had to undergo so many tests from 6 months of age.  We were in hospital 4 times.  He underwent 1 operation.  He was so brave through it all.  He would cry but I didn't mind.  I knew he was hurting.

On the morning of the 7th March his heart stopped.  At the time, no-one knew why. 

In November we found out what caused my precious son to pass away.  He suffered from a rare heart condition called Endocardial Fibroelastosis - a disease which normally has a trigger such as a congenital heart condition.  We do not know how long he was suffering from the disease nor do we know what triggered it.  Our son was in all other respects perfectly normal and healthy.

Bennie was 9 months and 8 days old.

I miss you so much my Bennie.  I miss your company.  I miss your touch.  I miss your sounds.  I miss everything.  But I am so proud of you.  You fought so hard for so long.  You were so brave.

I love you my Bennie.  I will always love you.  I will always remember you and I will always read to you.  Every night.

I am so sorry we ran out of time trying to figure out what was wrong.  I am so sorry I put you through all of those tests.  I am so sorry I could not take away your pain on that last night.  I tried so, so hard.

Wait for me Bennie.  One day we will meet again.  I will find you.

Love,

Your mum.