No matter how long we Live,we all have a story that can be told and this is my memories of the one who Opened my Eye's to the world around me,he who made me Fall to my Knee's but also helped me Rise Stronger than I have ever been.
It was quite the jaunt to the hospital that night little man,and when we got there mom was only a fingertip dilated,I thought I had loads of time before you would arrive,so on our way home I spied a Wendy's and you said Mom,"feed me,for I am hungry",that burger and fries were some yummy.
However when we arrived home,the labor became more intense,I did not know what to do,so off to the hospital we went again,this time my baby we were 3 centimeters,and by 2;30 am on the 2nd of January, I was fully dilated and you were ready to announce yourself to the world feet first actually,you wanted to jump right in. Your entrance into the world was by c-section,it was the safest route for you,and left me with a scar,a reminder of you,I finally got to meet my 6 lb 8 oz ,53.5 cm Handsome Little Man,and I got to stay awake the whole time,I remember every moment of that day.
We spent several days in the hospital and when we got to take you home,everyone who met you fell in Love,even Poppy Roy who is with you today,he called you the Pot Man,after your great uncle Pat.
Everyday was a new day with you in my life,for you were so brilliant,the light of my life,I loved watching you grow,for you did so many amazing things babies your age did not do.
I never once thought you would leave before me,for if you did I did not know where I was to go. How could I continue on without you,you were my Life,you filled each day with your giggles,smiles,tears, nurturing you and dirty diapers,but each one I enjoyed.
That morning I awoke,it was then I realized why everyone had begun speaking of death for that's what I found,your Lifeless body,My Heart stopped,I could not breathe all I could do was scream,please God No,but it was too late,you had said your good bye's too those you loved,for at 3:30 am that morning my last feeding with you,as your Favorite Aunt Maggie lay dreaming of you.I felt something was different,but what ,I did not know. Those few moments of silence we shared was our way of saying Good Bye.
I never thought SIDS would take you away,I always wished to be by your side until the day my body was to be laid to rest.
The one Beautiful moment of that day was to see how my little nephew whom was with us,was such a brave boy through it all,who stood outside in his underwear to flag the help we had called for down.He had not understood death,and when we returned from the hospital with tears soaking our eyes,he opens the fridge and say's"Auntie can I have Cameron's happle Juise,he cannot drink it,for now he is dead",for that moment I felt his presence and it was as if he said yes,we all chuckled,after the traumatic events that occurred,he stood strong,and for months to follow he would always speak to you.
It`s been 20 years since your passing,but I too have past every test the Heavenly Father has put before me,my Final Reward shall be to hold you in my Arms again one daY :-) xoxox
This was given to us 20 years ago,a beautiful verse that has helped me understand.
I'll let you have,for a little time,a child of mine he said,for you to Love the while he lives,and mourn for when he is dead.It may be six or seven years-or twenty-two or three,But will you till I call him back,Take care of him for me?. I'll bring his charms to gladden you,and should his stay be brief,you shall have his loving memories as solace for your grief. I cannot promise she will stay,since all from earth return.I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true,and from the thrones that cloud life's lane,I have selected you. Now will you give him all your love,not think the labor vain,nor hate me,when I come to take him back again?. I fancied that I heard you say,"dear Lord,thy will be done for all the joy thy child shall bring,the risk of grief shall run".we'll shelter him with tenderness,we'll love him while we may,and for the happiness we've known,we'll forever grateful stay.But should your angels call for him sooner than we had planned,we'll brave the bitter grief that comes,and try to understand.
I had tried hard to join you,but it was not my time,for in the years to follow a family shall be mine,you have blessed me with three more boy`s,I swore to them no matter how tough Life may be,for there are no guarantees,but I promise you all,I will always keep you safe from harm.
My family is my Life,I have committed myself to them,they are mine and your Legacy Baby,for the only time I dreamed of you was just before I announced......were having a baby,and the last dream of you I knew I had to let go and forgive myself,for your soul had returned to me and it is your youngest bro for he bares your name.
Thank you
XOXOX
Mommy.
