My husband Matt and I found out we were pregnant with our little angel Logan in February of 2007. We were scared, shocked and excited. Our first doctors apointment placed his due date as October 15th 2007. We had our first ultrasound in March of 2007, which made it all so real. We were so happy and over joyed. He was perfect (well at this time we didn't know he was a boy). It was so strange, we were going to be parents. We then had our regular checkups with our family doctor. Our second ultrasound in May of 2007 Logan still did not show us his gender but we were still so happy. Little did we know that the next two months were going to be the most painful months of our lives.
About mid-May I began to spot and then moved into heavier bleeding. My family doctor did not feel there was any cause for concern. He told me it was normal in a small amount of people for this to be occuring. I decided to take matters into my own hands and went to my hometown hospital. They did an ultrasound which showed Logan was happy and healthy and everything was ok. So I was so relieved at this time and went home. The next morning I was bleeding even heavier so I called my mom and away we went to the hospital again. Once again they did an ultrasound and it showed Logan was happy and healthy. However at this time the doctor made some suggestive remarks that I was having a girl. This made me happy and relieved once again. I went home again and felt great, my family doctor was right everything was fine. I had my ultrasound on the 18th of June. The technician was asking me some really abnormal questions but I really thought nothing of it. She asked if I was leaking fluid, my reply was I don't know I have been bleeding for 6 weeks now so if I am I haven't noticed. I left the ultrasound kind of worried now. I was no longer then 5 minutes at home when my family doctors office called and canceled my appointment that was in two days and said they needed to see me the following morning, immediately. Well this is not exactly the news I wanted but I thought well whatever it is it can be fixed, right???
So the next morning my boyfriend and I went to the family doctors. We had no idea what to expect since neither of us slept well the night before from worry we were extremely tired. When we entered into the doctors exam room we got some really unexpected news that I was leaking fluid but everything was fine as far as our baby goes but he would like to keep a closer eye on us and booked us with a specialist in london. Dr Natale's office in london called and book an appointment for June 20th 2007 and we thought ok at least we will see the specialist and he will tell me what I need to do at this point. Nope...my speciatlist appointment never came.
At 7 am on June 20th 2007 I awoke with some cramping but it was very slight so I grabbed my what to expect when your expecting book and started to research premature labour and thought ok this must be braxton hicks but lets do some reading. The entire time I was reading I just knew something wasn't right. I woke matt up and he said well let's call Telehealth and see what they had to say. I spent the next half an hour on the phone with telelhealth, who in turn told me to get to the nearest hospital. Now we were extremely worried. We packed up and left for Victoria hospital (seeing how it is the children's hospital we thought this was the best place).
We arrived there around 7:30 am the emergency triage nurse admitted me right away to the labour and delivery unit. It was pretty slow up there so they took their tests and so on. However, they never hooked me up to any monitors for the baby or anything. After 2 hours of pain that was getting worse the nurse came in and brought me gingerale and said that I would need an ultrasound. At this time I was 24 weeks and 3 days gestation so I guess they weren't too worried about hooking a monitor up to see if things were ok. The entire time I sat in that bed I was frantic but still no doctor had seen me so they must not be too worried so I tried to keep myself positive ( it was really hard). Finaly at 10:30ish they took me downstairs (I think) for an ultrasound. I was in a lot of pain at this point but I guess this was the next step. The ultrasound technician was really rude and told me to lay still. I just couldn't I was in unbearable pain. We returned to our little side room. Still no doctor has seen me. I finally got matt to go ask someone as I was in so much pain. Finally at 12pm (five hours after being admitted a doctor came to check me. To everyone's surprise I was 2 cms dialated.
The doctor did not seem worried and told us she was going to have me sent over to St. Joseph's hospital just in case I was in labour. However, it was her best guess that I just had an infection and that the cervix was swollen from that. Matt had a few errands to do so the doctor said he would be fine to do them with no worries, so off he went to do his errands. The ambulance took me over to St. Jospeh's hospital which seemed to be the longest, bumpiest ride ever. All the while I was having contraction. Two nurses accompanied me over there timing me. I reached my triage room at St. Joseph's hospital at around 1:30pm. At this time for whatever reason I began to time my contractions they were getting so close and painful. They left me alone in my room sobbing for 20 minutes. Finally I couldn't bear it anymore I yelled for the nurse. SHe paged the on call doctor immediately, who in turn told me what I thought would be the worst news I would hear that day. I was 10 cms dialated and Logan was on his way. I told the doctor it was too early. They ran me down the hall to a huge, scary delivery room. I was all alone other then the nurses and the doctor. I was terrified. Most of the time I kept my hands over my eyes because I was just to scared to look. Much to my sadness my little angel was born at 2:17pm.
The doctors asked me if I wanted them to do anything and everything to get him breathing. I said of course. So after what seemed forever, the nurse told me she could see he was on a breathing tube and doing well. I was relieved. They took me across the hall to evaluate me. I am still alone and scared. I am not sure what time Matt showed up at but he came to me immediately. I told him what happened and that I thought it was going to be ok. I also told him we had a little boy. Boy was I wrong.
The doctor came to talk to us after Matt had called our family and friends. He told us all these statistics and mumbo jumbo I couldn't process at that point. They asked if they could do a blood transfusion I said yes anything he needed.
I was then brought to a semi-private room with a woman who was 9 months pregnant. I cried. A pastor came in to talk about baptismal options and other information I couldn't process at the time. My mom and step dad were out of the country so they sent Mrs. C who is like another mom to me. I still had not gone down to visit Logan. We were terrified and I sort of thought if I didn't go down then everything would be ok. Finally a nurse came in to tell me she thought we should go down to see him. We didn't know what to expect.
Upon entering that NICU I became very foggy. I saw my son who was so little and fragile. He was hooked up to everything you can imagine. The nurses were trying to explain everything that was hooked into him. I can't say I didn't care but I was focused on him. He was beautiful. His eyes weren't open but they say he knew we were there.
The priest came to baptize Logan (at this time they told us to pick his name, so Matt thought of it). I thought ok we baptized him god must let him be ok. His oxygen stats were not good but I thought ok it wil get better. After being baptized Matt's family showed up and we just sat there looking at him and touching his little fingers. He was so tiny ( 1 pound 8 ounces). I couldn't leave his side. I thought if I stayed he would be ok. The nurses and doctors kept telling us he was going to have many disabilities. I didn't care he was mine. I could deal with it. His lungs were not developed enough to sustain life. Finally, around midnight my mom and step dad showed up to see little Logan.
Matt and I had a major decision to make at this time. The doctors were 100% positive that he was not going to make it so we could let him go on his own or stop his suffering and take him off the life support. Our family believed that it would be a lot more healing for us to take him off of life support and hold him until he grew his wings. I fought the thought of doing it, I just couldn't. Finally, we decided it was best for Logan. Mrs. C went in while they took him off of all the tubes and dressed him to come and be with us. We all held him for about an hour while he passed away. Mrs. C took some lovely pictures for us. at around 3:30 am June 21st 2007 my son Logan grew his wings. After his passing I do not remember much, the following two weeks are a real blur.
We held his memorial service the following saturday and he was buried on top of Matt's great grandpa . The funeral was nice, I guess I don't remember the details really well.
