My mom was born in Aug 1963. When my mom was younger she suffered from occasional seizures; doctors thought she had epilepsy. Throughout her life she fought alcoholism and depression. After she died, the doctors actually conclude that she was bi-polar (based on the experiences my grandma shared with her doctor).
My sister was 18 and I was 15 when my mom died. I never had the chance to really learn who she was. As I was growing up I spent every Christmas with her and my sister and about 2 weeks during the summer. I am so thankful for my grandma because she has since taught me about my mom. I know it isn't the same, but my grandma is keeping her memory alive and that's all I ask for.
Some of what I know is that my mom had a hard time with life and she dated some horrible people after her marriage to my dad. BUT, what else I know is that my mom had such an awesome sense of humor. One of the funniest time I remember was when we all went to eat at a Gyro place in OKC, my sister and I had to use the restroom (mind you, this was during the time that "Ace Ventura" was first released). I came out of the bathroom first, then my sister. As soon as my sister came she saw my mom bent over with her hands on her butt cheeks. My mom started talking to my sister with her butt-in the middle of the restaurant. It was so funny, but embarrassing for my sister.
Despite all of the hard times, my mom loved me and my sister. Sometimes she needed help, but that doesn't make her any less of a person. As hard as it is to admit, I know my mom was not perfect, I tend to block out the imperfections though, and hold on to the perfect memories.
I believe that I have learned more from my mom since she died than I ever did when she was alive. After months of grievance counseling I am beginning to understand why people say "everything happens for a reason". She has taught me how to be strong. How to be a good mother. How to be independent. How to live your life for you, and not others. She taught me about imperfections, and unconditional love. She has taught me the value of children. I have learned why you never take people for granted. I only wish I could have learned these valuable life lessons with my mom still on Earth.
The hardest thing for me is that my mom didn't live long enough to see my sister and I grow into young ladies. I would love to hear words of approval from my mom's mouth. And I would love to see the look of proudness in her eye. There is a lot that my family and I have missed out on since my mom's death. But I think what matters the most is that she is now in heaven and she is no longer suffering. One day we will all meet again and that will be a joyous day.
I understand that my mom's time on Earth ended prematurely due to her own choices, however I still feel strongly that other factors helped influence the decisions she made the night of May 30, 1999. Since that horrible night, my mom has missed so many priceless life experiences. She now has two precious grandchildren that she has never layed eyes on. She has two daughters that miss her every day. She also has 2 brothers, a mom, and grandparents (along with many other family members) that will forever love and miss her.
To my beloved momma, this I say:
"I will never forget the values you have enstilled in me. I vow to pass those on to your grandchildren. I will never allow your memory to end, because without you I would not be who I am today. You are perfect in every way, your faults only make you better. You struggled for years and no one blames you. Your place in my heart will never be filled by another soul. I forgive you for the choices you made, and thank you for all you have taught me. I miss you every day, and with each passing day I see all that you are missing. But I know you are looking down and smiling. My heart and soul ache for your touch-your hug, your kiss, and your smile. I thank God for giving you to me, I only wish he hadn't needed you back so soon. Rest in peace, Momma, I will see you again one day."
